When life hands you lemons, to surgery you will go.

At the end of July we made yet another trip to TCH for the nuclear renogram with lasix test for Davis.  The purpose of this test was to measure his kidney function to see how the hydronephrosis was affecting it.  I will begin by saying that it was the worst day of my life thus far.  I know that sounds extreme but it was true.  It is the worst feeling in the world to see your baby helpless and in pain and not be able to do anything about it.  I just wanted to pick him up and hold him but he was literally taped to a table.  The worst part was getting the IV.  At one point he had 4 or 5 nurses all working on him and none of them could get the IV in.  They tried his wrists, the tops of his hands, his feet, and his arms before they finally got it in on his left wrist.  I have never heard my baby cry like that before and I pray to God I will never hear it again.  He wasn't a fan of the sugar water or pacifier and I wouldn't have been either.  After they got the IV in and working it was time to insert the catheter.  My poor boy was getting poked and prodded all over the place.  Once that was done he calmed down and eventually fell asleep on the table watching a Baby Einstein video.

The actual test took about an hour.  They inserted a dye into his system along with the lasix so they could see how his kidneys were working and draining.   Once it was over they unhooked him from everything and sent us on our way.  As soon as they took the IV and catheter out he was smiling and back to his normal happy self. 

The day after my birthday we were back at the urologists office to get the results of the test.  I was hoping and praying to hear that everything looked just fine and there was no need for any further tests or interventions.  The doctor told me that there was definitely something wrong and that we needed to fix it before it caused any permanent damage.  So my sweet boy is scheduled for a laparascopic pyeloplasty later this week.   While I am so grateful for modern medicine that will hopefully be able to 'fix' this problem and to live near one of the biggest medical centers with one of the best children's hospitals, I am also terrified.  We are talking about my baby.  I don't want him to know pain or fear.  My entire purpose is to protect him and I know that is what we are doing by way of this surgery but I can't help but be terrified.  I want to put a bubble around him and us and pretend like we don't know about any of this so we can just go on with our normal lives.  I know in my heart that he will be fine.  I have faith in the doctor performing his surgery and I know we are doing the right thing.  All of that said, I am still scared and I know that Luke is too.  We are about to face the biggest challenge of parenthood so far and one that I never anticipated.  I have done just about all of the 'googling' I can do looking up the surgery, the recovery, the possible complications, etc.  Now I know I have to put the rest in God's hands but I am struggling with how to do that.  Hopefully I will figure it out in the next couple of days.